Apparently I've been signed up with Blogger for quite some time, but I've never used it. I've used Livejournal for years, but I have always locked those entries so only certain individuals can read 'em. I'm thinking that it's probably time for a fresh start, and for me to start blogging with unlocked entries. Chances are, I won't stick with this for very long (when it comes to e-things, I tend to forget about them a couple weeks later. Except Facebook. Never Facebook.), but at least I'll be able to comment on some awesome blogs (what up, Abortioneers!)


Not completely sure how to jump right into how/what I am feeling, so I'll just go for it. Lately, my anxiety has been sky high. I've always had anxiety issues. When I was in second grade, my teacher told my mother that if I didn't get it under control, I'd have ulcers by the time I hit fifth grade (at the time I didn't know what ulcers were and I always called them 'walters') So the anxiety is nothing new, but it's at an all time high.
I decided I should go to a counselor, but was freaked out and super anxious about it (imagine that). I had to do it, though; I pass on a lot of opportunities to have fun, I become irritable, and really, how am I going to be in a helper position if I don't get help myself (I work in a highly stressful and super wonderful field with lots of girls and women who need a little TLC).
So, I went. I'm glad I did. I opened up about the rape, getting robbed at gunpoint, the constant fear of anti-choice violence, and certain horrible people who cause me lots of stress. It was very uncomfortable being in the vulnerable role and having someone listen to me. I said that and he understood, and asked "Who helps the helpers?" I liked that. I don't have many support people in my life anymore: my partner, some family, and several friends. I used to have a tight group of friends, but shit has gone down which have caused some problems between those friends. So, I'm glad I have some new support. I probably won't be seeing the counselor who I saw yesterday, as yesterday was just a consult to see who would be the best fit counselor-wise. I left the session a nervous wreck. We talked about a lot of shit and then bam-- it was over. There weren't really any resolutions, which I knew as it was the first session. But, still, it was an abrupt ending I thought. Maybe it's just something I need to get used to.


I'll end it here. I've never wrote this long of a blog before...weiiiird. I'm going to get coffee with my partner and an acquaintance now.